Tuesday March 26th (tattoo day?)

I have been feeling this disease inside of me for days. Super aware of the esophagus, the esophageal splinter, my mind has been filled with thoughts of death, illness, mortality.Yesterday, i was pretty stoned and m paranoia took me almost outside my body and being alive seemed so impermanent, I felt like i was on the cusp of not existing. 

This morning, however, I woke up and while I was still aware of the morbid thoughts of the previous night, it almost felt like I exhaled out this disease that has literally been making my life hell for over a decade. I;m so sick of this I'm so over it. I finally feel ready to put this behind me.This seems natural, I am not intimated at the thought of slipping, and it just feels like it's time I can finally get rid of this horrible burden. 

I have been getting signs all around me the past few days. Certain quotes have really resonated and just struck a cord deep inside of me. 

Socrates, i cant find the quote, but it goes something like "focus not what u don't want to be, instead, focus your thoughts and energy on what you do want to become"

(oh my god, it's like the universe is giving me a sign, just like it did all day today; I just found that Socrates quote!!!)

And of course, 

I'm so thankful for today, I have waited a long time for this, and I thank god for hooping, and I want to dedicate this blog/book of shadows to